Moral of today's lecture

Kepercayaan

Giving all your emotions

"I did my best, let the rest to Him" 

Is way more meaningful than

Amalan harian

Sangat reflektif dalam kehidupan aku, terutamanya dalam keadaan sekarang ni.. 

14/12/2020 1:51PM

 

Is that right?

Is what I’m doing right now is right?

Am I doing it because of Him?

Am I doing it to gain His blessings?

Am I doing it sincerely?

Or am I doing it based on my interest?

Am I doing it just because I think it’s good for me?

Is it really good for me?

I did almost everything that I could.

I join classes, I buy Ebook, just to gain more knowledge.

Gaining more knowledge so that I will not repeat the same mistake, that I will not fail the same test again,

With a hope that this time I do it with a knowledge, not blindly making dumb decision and judgement again.

With a big hope that I would gain what I work on.

Then, I ask myself again, “Am I really doing this sincerely? To gain His blessings? Or am I just doing it to get what I want? Am I?”

Show me guidance..

Show me which path should I take to obtain Your blessings..

Guide me..

Enlighten me..

Bless me..

 

I have to remind myself, regardless of what I did, it is He, whom will determine what is the best for me.

I must remind myself, to be sincere in what I’m doing right now, to open my heart, to be ready to accept whatever the outcomes could be.

Kun faya kun <3

 

.....

My anxiety...

I want to get rid of it. 

Tired of living with it.. 

For years.... 

Please go away. 

This heart easily pounding hardly.. 

Hardly breathing

Feel like there is something stuck in my throat.. 

Feel hopeless and helpless.. 

It makes me tired all the time

With doing nothing... 

It makes me sleepy but hardly falling asleep 

Not to mention my sleep quality. 

Been haywire... 

Keep waking up

Yet still sleepy... 

I want to live peacefully. 

I think, I need to learn CBT to handle this anxiety. 

My anxiety makes my life miserable... 

...

Lepas dengar lagu Faizal Tahir (Sejati) & Dato Siti Nurhaliza (Cinta Dirgahayu),

Okay jom, let's get out of the room, and enjoy what you have right now.

Be grateful with what you have right now. 

Don't stress out over things that you can't change. 

Let's start enjoy every moment and start doing our best at this moment.

Dengan mengingati Dia

...

I'm at my lowest right now 

I feel hopeless

Restless

I want this to end

I don't want this feeling 

I pray to Him, everyday, that I will be strong, physically, emotionally, spiritually. 

I'm rarely have dizziness. 

I know the triggering factors of my dizziness.

When I stressed out, I tend to feel dizzy. 

Yup, currently, I feel dizzy. 

Last night, I was so hopeful, that things will get better.

Waking up this morning, I seem to lose that spirit...

Whoever happen to read this, I would thank you so much if you could pray for me, that I will get better, I find the courage to live, to do better, to taste the bittersweet of this life, once again... 

takut

Sometimes, you care, but you decided not to show that you care

Because you don't want that person get emotionally attached to you 

Because you afraid that you might break their hope in you...

When you don't reach their expectations, it gonna kill both of you. 

As you care too much about that person, and of course you don't want that person get hurt, especially by you, hence you act like you don't care. 

Hi You

I did cursed myself

And my apologies for the mistakes that I made. 

Actually I didn't really consider it as mistake, but more to an experience that make me wiser. ✌🏼

I'm very sorry to myself for the curses that I made to myself. 

I'm really sorry. 

Today, I realised that it's not stupid act.

I did my part, and I should let the rest to Him. 

Yup, after so long, now I decided, I would let it to Him (in which I should have done it earlier, yet it is okay as long as He make me realise it) thank you Allah 😊

Cakap soal jodoh, sumpah aku rasa nak give up.

2019 gave me so much, more than a heart can take.

Luckily He gave me the opportunity to experience all of that. 

Macam2 orang yang datang kat aku. 

Ada yang "ikhlas" tapi cepat give up. 

Ada yang tak mudah mengalah tapi "ikhlas" tahap cari maki 😒

Serius cakap, aku tak sangka yang aku akan lalui apa yang aku lalui ni. 

Tak pernah terfikir. 

Macam drama. 

Kadang rasa macam mimpi. 

Kalau nak fikir stress, gila tak stress, kalau nak cakap fed up, hmmm berapa kali aku nangis kat Dia. 

Dia je tahu hati aku ni macam mana. 

Aku ada cerita kat bestfriends aku.

Cuma dalam fon cerita sikit2 jela, tapi bf yang dapat jumpa depan2 aku cerita full, sebab dia lain tau kalau sembang depan2 dengan dalam fon ni. 

She gave me support and comfort me. 

Thank you ❤️

Cakap sunyi? Manusia mana je tak sunyi.

Hello, it is lumrah okay. 

Actually banyak lagi nak cakap tapi nanti2 lah. 

Nak kemas beg, esok balik kampung!!! Yeayyy 😘

To the one that I put efforts on, I didn't regret the chances that I took. 

Soal jodoh ni, kita hanya mampu berusaha, selebihnya, kita serahkan pada Dia. 

Confuse

Hmmm

Aku confuse dengan dua2 

Last2 aku jalan sendiri saja laaa. 

Simple je aku ni

Poning sangat, baik tak payah 🤪🤪🤪

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

Ramadhan tiba Ramadhan tiba

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan 

Assalamualaikum 

Hi everyone (to the readers 😁)

Today is third day of Ramadhan. 

How irony this life, when you suddenly aware of what day it is in certain months (Ramadhan, Syawal, some may includes Muharram) Hahaha

Hopefully everyone is enjoying their Ramadhan. 

To enjoy this life is not by having what we want, but to be grateful with what we have

Especially in this RMO / MCO, it teaches us about being grateful and have faith in Him. Be grateful with what we have, with what we can do

And to always have faith in Him that whatever happens, He know the Best and He know our capabilities. 

Due to RMO, we cannot go to mosque or musolah to pray Terawih (to avoid crowding of people in one place at a moment).

But surely, we can still do it at home. 

Maqasid Syariah in Islam teach us to weigh between good and bad. 

Pro's and con's. 

It is obviously and surely good to pray jemaah, at mosque but in the meantime, the risk could be fatal. 

Okay, don't with tazkirah. 😜

I want to blend this post with English and Malay. Bear with me okay. Hehehe 

Actually this post is to share about my unforgettable memories about Ramadhan. 

We start with secondary school okay 😉

Antara pengalaman yang aku ingat (maksudnya sama la dengan pengalaman yang tak dapat dilupakan, tapi kenapa orang banyak guna pengalaman yang tak dapat dilupakan daripada pengalaman yang kita ingat 🤔 ✌🏼), berbuka kat dewan makan (DM) ramai2. Okay, aku dok hostel time sekolah menengah, Yela sekolah aku ada dekat sejam gak la dari rumah aku. (SMKTT, Taiping)

I really enjoyed my secondary school so much, sampai kan result SPM pun tak seperti yang diimpikan, sebab banyak sangat main lullll 😂. Nanti aku cerita psl sekolah aku kt post lain (kalau rajin nak menaip, hehehe). 

Okay sambung... 

Style hostel kitorang; berbuka dengan roommates.

Walaupun sebelum ni, hang pergi makan kt DM sorang2 / dengan geng hang, tapi time bulan puasa, hang berbuka dengan roommates.

Bagi aku best la. 

±10 orang makan dalam satu meja. 

Best2. 

Secondly, tadarus Al Quran, againnn with roommates, oh salah la, dormmates, bukan roommates. 

Hostel kan duduk ikut dorm, satu dorm ±10 orang. 

Tadarus hari sekolah is after asar, after maghrib, senang cakap, time kat surau la. 

Yang tak leh belahnya, aku??? Hmmm kerja tidoq ja, orang dok tadarus, aku pejam mata, eh tiba2 dah sampai giliran aku, eh rasa macam baru je giliran aku tadiiii, 😅😂 adoiii, takleh belah betui laa. 

Pe'el tu ada la beberapa Ramadhan gak, form 5 tak buat dah la mcm tu, steady dahh hihihihi form 4 tak ingat 🤔 yang paling ingat time form 2 la, sebab kakak dorm baik sangat, tak marah langsung aku tido, tapi dia gelak je kat aku, tu hat boleh ingat tu sebab maluuu. 🤣

Yang bestnya, dalam pkul 6 - 6.15 petang (aku anggar je, tak berapa ingat sangat dah), students dah start amik makanan berbuka. Awal la, sebab nak kena beratoq, nak amik makanan. 

After dah habis amik makanan tu, letak kt meja makan, and klo bersemangat time tu, Haa g sambung tadarus, tapi yang timing ni tak wajib, cuma ada dorm yang gigih, nak khatam cepat2, so extra efforts la kan. Hehehe. 

Syok la ingat balik, lepas tu pergi DM sama2 balik untuk berbuka. 

Oh ya, btw, meja makan boleh pilih sendiri. 

So hari first tu, ramai la p DM awai, sebab nak cop meja, and meja yg kitorang selalu pilih is meja yang senang nak keluar & kipas steadyyy hehehe, cop la, tulis kt kertas, cthnya B1, Haa gituuu. Memang takleh ubah la, tak pernah lagi aku rasa ada orang cantas, boleh perang antara batch tu kalau buat 😂 jangan main2, budak sekolah la katakan (baru nak up) hahahahaha.

Malas nak type dah, takat tu dulu laaa, nanti sambung.... 

Ni tulis ni sebab takmau lena lepas Subuh niiii

First oncall in semester 7 Surgical posting

Haluuuu

Baru balik oncall kt HSB.

First oncall in this semester & posting. 

Should have done oncall earlier, but...... Hehehe.

Alhamdulillah, it went well. 

Sakinah and I tried our best to maximize our learning during this oncall. 

We try to describe neuro imaging and correct each when necessary.

I like neurosurgery, but it is too quiet.

I miss the chaos in ED Hospital Taiping. 

I will update about my elective in ED Hospital Taiping later.  😉

I'm waiting for next oncall with fav Dr. 

Stay tune!!! 😉

Head injury

Mr Andrean 02/03/2020

🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠

Dalam kelas tadi, Mr Andrean (neurosurgeon) cerita once upon a time, Dr received referral from another hospital, pt ada laceration kat kepala, pt bleed alot, was treated wrongly, unfortunately died due to hypovolaemic shock (pendarahan yang terlalu banyak).

😢

Teringat pt time elective kat Hospital Taiping.

Ada 2 kes yang aku ingat (so far) :

1) Skull pt dah tertanggal & nampak otak. Pt asystole and pronounced died already. Doctors be like: Haa mana medical students, you all pernah tgk otak fresh2 tak, bukan cadaver punya, Haa pegi la tgk kt red zone tu. Benda macam ni la korang akan hadap nanti, pergi la tengok. Pergi rasa, pakai glove ye. 

Aifa and I with full of enthusiasm went to red zone. 😚 We touched the brain with glove. 😷

Kalau tanya perasaan time tu, hmm bercampur baur la cheq oi. 

Someone, who was alive in the morning, died in the evening... 

Actually pt tu BID (Brought in dead), maksudnya pt dah meninggal before reach hospital pun lagi. 

Kitorang blur2 tanya specialist, Dr F, BID tu apa Dr. Kelakar bila ingat balik, bukannya tanya soalan hitech, tapi soalan abbreviation je 😂 ni benda wajib medical students tanya, especially kalau kt department baru. Ahahahahahaha 

🤕

2) Pt - drug abuser, memang tengah high time tu, presented to ED due to burn (tak ingat berapa degree, yg pasti bukan mbbs degree. 😜🤣🤣) over his left side of head secondary to explosion of gas tank. 💥

Nahhhhh, aku pun tak dapat brain, tapi memang laaa, pt tengah high, memang tak rasa sakit langsung laaa. 

The best part is, specialist (supervisor elective kitorg) suruh aku tolong cuci luka pt tu wowww. Aku hantam saja laaa, nak belajaq punya pasaiii. 👻

Aku buat slow2 la, sbb takut pt sakit, makanya lambat lee darah yg kering melekat kat rambut dia tu nak hilang, dah keras habeh. Dr nampak, "Wani, awak tonyoh (gosok / sental) kuat2, kalau mcm tu smpi esok pn tak habis awak cuci darah dia tu. Takpe pt tak rasa pun". 😅

Alamak aiii, aku pun tonyoh kuat2 sikit, Yeap tepat sekali, pt memang tak rasa apa2 pun. Lepas tu, aku pun gosok jangan tak gosok, gosok sampai berkilat eh takkk, sampai hilang darah beku tu je. 

Kes ni okay sikit, tak nampak otak. Pt survive. 

Tapi nampak teruk la. Dia cakap tong gas kecik tu terpelanting kat dia time dia tengah bakar sampah belakang rumah. 

Dia tak rasa apa pun, balik rumah, mak dia cakap kepala dia berdarah, ooo mak aiiii 😱

Memang habis hangups rambut dia sebelah kiri tu, kiranya kena left frontal, parietal and temporal. Burn baby burn!!! 🔥

Pt tu ada hyphema (The presence of blood in the anterior chamber of the eye), ICB (tak sure bleed kt mana). 

....

Sekian, setelah sekian lama tak update blog hihuhihuhuuuu 🤪

Sampai ketemu lagi... 

Wassalamualaikum..